Grasping for Light.

Today, my heart is heavy with tragedy all around. Tragedy of those I know and don't know. Cancer that has crept into a friend's body. Accidents taking lives. School shootings. Affairs. Lies. It is in these times of dark weightiness, where I am pushed to the edge of my faith. The question “Do you trust me?” never fails to come to mind.

I remember growing up and being taught about Jesus. A man who was born in a filthy stable, became a carpenter and hung around the unpopular folk. Prostitutes. Tax collectors. Lepers. He would give "the least of these" time, touch and words. His presence was full of power. So powerful, he would make the deaf hear and the blind see. 

In Matthew 9, a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years was in the presence of God and she reached out and touched the garment of Jesus to be healed.

The woman knew the power was outside of herself to be healed and trusted in the authority of Jesus. 

...for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.”

How did Jesus react?

Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well.

Jesus did NOT react... "I don't have time for you" or "Who do you think you are?" or "Step away from me, you are unclean"...Rather, Jesus turned around and recognized her heart of FAITH. He comforted her and gave her the name "daughter." 

INSTANTLY she was healed.

Living on earth, we can't escape hurt, pain, and suffering. "Count it all joy, my brothers, WHEN you meet trials of various kinds." -James 1:2 

However, when we look to who Christ is, HE is the ultimate physician. He TRANSFORMS darkness to light as we put our trust in His complete righteousness.

"He uncovers the deeps out of darkness and brings deep darkness to light." -Job 12:22

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” -John 8:12

Jesus said in John 14, "Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me."

Whether we like it or not, we were brought into this world, not by our own choosing. There is purpose. Eternal purpose. We are passing through this life on earth and he has blessed us with the ability to know Him. Romans 1:20 "For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made..."

Oh Lord, open our eyes to see a personal God who loves us. May we know the freedom that is only found in the work of Christ.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. -I Peter 2:24

100% of people die. Life does not stop at death's doors. The hope of heaven is a reality and we have the security of heaven as we place our trust in Christ.

C.S. Lewis writes in his book, The Last Battle:
All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.

My steps are HIS

Today, I'm choosing to take comfort in this TRUTH.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. -Proverbs 16:9

Oh how I need to know this, ingest it and believe it.

fishing for my heart

It's so refreshing to sit. Morning. Birds chirping. Coffee. God's Word...feeding my soul. I see a father and son fishing in our back-yard lake and automatically miss my Dad. All those lovely summer vacations in Canada-Especially looking back today, how I appreciate those moments. How I miss the feeling of a fish deep under the dark water biting my line...The pressure of the weight on my pole as I raise my wrist to reel in the fish. As the fish surfaces you can hear the splashing sounds that bring a smile to my face.

Thank you God for little moments that make a heart smile. Thank you for reeling my heart into Yourself, as I once was in a deep, dark place, separated from You. Another world. I'm thankful for God's continued pursuit of my heart and the eternal hope that I strive to cling to, the truth that sets me free.

It's a New Day, Time to Wake Up.

We (humanity) want to feel full. We fill ourselves up with everything we know is available to us. Food, drink, clothes, sex, money. We are in search for our self to feel satisfied, to make ourself feel happy, needed, to have some sort of significance in this crazy, chaotic world.

I want to scream WAKE UP to the world right now. Heck, even TO ME. I hate the fact that we are so consumed with ourself and distracted by "things". I am the first one to admit that I get distracted way too easily...you might say, distracted from what? I get distracted from what my mission on earth is. To love others. To give selfLESSly. I am so full of myself. I am called to be the hands and feet of Jesus. To love God and love others. Thank the Lord for grace and love that he shows me everyday...to remind me that I can't do it on my own strength. The more I seek God, the more he fills me with Himself. He changes my heart from "self" to "Jesus". Oh how I need HIM- He is the source of ALL goodness-light, color, joy, peace. Often times I take trips to the beach when there is no one around to experience God. Yes, going to the beach to experience God, our Creator. To think that the gaze in my eyes and the peace & joy I feel in my heart when I view the crystal-like ocean with dolphins jumping and the waves crashing, is only a GLIMPSE of what I will see & feel when I do meet my Creator. What HOPE.

Daily. I will strive. To live for Him. Eternal Hope.

"Lift up our eyes, You're the Giver of Life...Lift up our eyes, You're the Giver of LIFE!"
-MATT REDMAN (singer/songwriter)

Our Greatest Need.

The reality of what you feel (feelings in general) are not necessarily ultimate reality. You see, this world is tainted by darkness, sin, and since it's tainted, we are not complete. Since we're not complete, we're always yearning for completion. Inside each of us we desire more. More and more, of MORE, to fill us up. To make us happy. Complete. The problem is humanity cannot, no matter how hard we try, escape the constant desire for something bigger than ourself. The deep longing, a yearning for something outside of ourselves. No one is perfect, that is the bottom line. There is a definite and obvious need for something greater and outside this world. Thank the Lord we have a greater hope that has invaded this world. Through Jesus, we are able to be in relation with God the Father, our Creator and Sustainer. This past week I felt I was sinking into despair and hopelessness, loneliness and fear. Who am I to doubt the King? The Very Artist who made me? Oh how desperately I am in need of Jesus daily. Father, pump your eternal hope through my veins that I would be a light for you.

You are my greatest need.

prayer

last night, i was blessed beyond measure. i had a moment where i had a specific prayer request answered...hours later after i had prayed that prayer.

being reminded of the reality of a God who hears my prayers was like a refreshing, cool wave hitting me in 90 degree heat. not only WAKING ME UP from my own lack of faith, but also RENEWING my soul. i was reminded that God is in control, i'm not. i know the obvious question, what happens when God doesn't answer your prayer(s)? the answer is he does answer your prayers...according to His Will. if a child asks their parent to give them ice cream and candy for dinner, would the parent most likely say, "of course, honey." NO. A loving parent who cares for their child and their health would say no, because they are better off having a healthy dinner full of nutrients that will help grow their small bodies into strong adults. The Father does what is best for his child.

God, our Father, is always doing what is best for us, pointing each of us to our Creator. I have to ask myself, are my eyes open to what He is trying to show me? Am I listening to Him and following His ways or trying to fight against His plan? His perfect plan is gradually growing me to be stronger and transforming my heart.

God hears us. Transformation WILL occur. Talk to him.

Fight.

It's hard to believe the last time I wrote, I was about to be leaving for Kolkata, India. AS of today, I have been in the states for over a month since my feet stepped out of the chaotic, disorderly Kolkata airport.

I will write at a later date, my experience and reflections over my 10 day trip to India, however, tonight my mind is drowning in the spiritual reality of a daily battle. A battle for your life. A battle of good and evil. Each day we live, we are either living for good or evil. Whether you like it or not, your life keeps moving and you are either moving forward or backward. You place your faith in one thing or another.

I just got back from meeting with a friend who admitted to me that she is struggling with an obsession of boys-attention, companionship, etc. She wants to feel pursued, desired, etc. After being rejected numerous times, she is believing in false reality (what seems to be true in her mind) that she is never good enough, not pretty enough, "unlucky" with boys. She is asking the question, "What's wrong with me?". In listening and encouraging her, I attempt to affirm her that she is valued, pursued, and loved by the God of the Universe.

I spoke to another girl last week who opened up to me about an eating disorder that she has battled with for awhile. God broke her recently and opened her eyes to His goodness and faithfulness. She is now working through her struggles with the help of Christian community and most of all a growing relationship with God. She can begin to find her value in God and not others.

Oh how lies are thrown at each of us every day; each of us are weak in one area or another, yet the Creator God is able to work in us to overcome these weak areas, and too often, idols that need to be destroyed.

Surrender is necessary. Wave the white flag. Get on your knees and ask God. "I need help".